Notes to self.

Six years ago today, I married my best friend.  I was 20 weeks pregnant with Will.  We were supposed to get married in Belize but apparently you can’t get a malaria shot when you are pregnant unless it’s an emergency.  So we ended up getting married at home.  It was a quiet day.  My sister stood up for me, his brother for him.  I had one of my students play the guitar and sing.  My friend’s husband (they were newly dating at the time) was the photographer.  There were probably 50 people there, mostly from my family.

I cried through the vows.  Not because of what I was saying but because I couldn’t believe that I was lucky enough to be saying them to him.  Luck isn’t the right word.  Fortunate?  That’s better.  He was everything I ever wanted in a husband.  We were truly in love.  I am still very much in love with him.  I do want that one more day.  I wish that “till death do us part” had come later in our marriage. 

He loved me too.  You can see it in his eyes.  I saw it every day.  Every.  Day.  We had a really great life together.  That’s what we wanted.  The life together.  We didn’t want the big wedding.  It wasn’t about that, to us.  It was just one day.  One day out of the mere 2400 or so that we were fortunate enough to spend together.  One day.

We had a great marriage.  We never fought.  We never deliberately hurt the other person with our words.  We negotiated.  We worked together.  We created three new lives.  We watched one of them leave us and buried him in a little white box.  He was a great dad, as I knew he would be even when we were dating.  There were so many things he wanted his kids to experience and so many things he wanted to teach them. 

One good thing that I can say is that we always loved each other.  We never took the other one for granted.  So I cannot say that there was single day wasted of the relative few we had together.

Our wedding song was “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.  Appropriate, yes?  Here are the lyrics, borrowed from a fan site:

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I Love You more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I Love You, until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will Love You
Until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there’s no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song,
I’ll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I Love You, I Love You,
Until the end of time

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will Love You, until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will Love You, I will Love You

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will Love You
Until my dying day