Notes to self.

The littles and I took an impromptu trip to see Stephen’s dad before he takes off for his winter in Texas.  I wish I could say what provoked the need to travel.  He called mid week and it just came out of my mouth “Hey, are you up for company?”  They were so we went.

I think it’s maybe because Amelia “calls” grandpa every chance she can get.  She asks to see him.  She hears a truck and goes to the window, hopeful.  He is, I think, her very favorite person on the planet.  It was a decent trip.  Nobody got sick, everybody slept and ate well, we stayed busy, I got to plow through another book in the Twilight series (guilty, guilty, guilty…I’m much too old to get wrapped up in another teenage drama/sci-fi/supernatural thing), and the girls got to see their grandparents for a few days.  Everybody wins. 

Then why do I feel funky?  Why does it pain me to travel those roads?

I had an interweb (turned into phone) conversation late one night last week.  It was with someone who I haven’t seen in over 10 years.  10 years.  I’m old enough to say “I haven’t seen you in 10 years!”  We chatted online for a while and then I was asked for my phone number.  Which I didn’t give up right away.  Why?  I can’t say.  It turned out to be quite enjoyable.  Turns out, I don’t have quite the memory that I thought I did.  I have always prided myself on never forgetting a name, rarely forgetting details and almost always remembering dates.  As it was, I couldn’t do any of that.

What happened to me?  I’m not all that old.  I don’t have too many kids.  My life is not all that complicated right now if you don’t count what’s in my head.  What gives? 

Does living through a trauma make you dumb(er)?

This is rhetorical of course.  I don’t expect that anyone has the answer.  I doubt highly that there is a medical or neurological answer to the question. 

I just don’t feel like myself.  I’m not sure that I know who I am anymore and I certainly can’t expect an old friend to know who I am either.  But it was nice to talk about the person I used to be.