Forming a plan

The fever is still unknown. It’s not bacterial and may be related to his body trying to fight the sarcomas. On the upside, they pulled out his chest tube yesterday and we came home! It was really great and really emotional all at the same time. He’d had himself convinced that they were just going to transfer him, tube and all, and he wouldn’t get to come home. He’s on xanax now too.

So, we’re home. We are going to U of I hospital on Thursday to meet with the neurosurgeon and meet with the oncologists on Friday. All outpaitent. No new news then. I’m to the point where I’d really rather not know until the Oncologist tells us and can fill in all the details instead of guessing. I’ve been bad and have looked up the types of sarcomas possible. Some are really treatable and some are really, well, not at all. I can’t play the what if game but I can’t help it.

I could go off on a really long rant about how really unfair this is. About how a person should only have to go through something this devastating once in their life. About how I wish that I was of weak and feeble spirit so that God would quit giving me “only what he know I can handle.” If I hear that one more time in my life, I will probably go unglued. About how I just want to take my family and run far, far away from this.

I have to remind myself that this is not about me. I’m not the one that’s sick. Okay. Rant over.


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