I used to be an apple. Now I’m an ice cream cone.

Note to self: take a nap more often.

The end of DST has screwed up my kids sleeping schedules. I think Ella has quite possibly been awake for 2 days. She woke up (at 6:15) in a snit. And it didn’t quit until late morning when I declared it to be nap time. She hasn’t napped during the day, voluntarily, in weeks. Today, we all slept for 2 hours. We should do this every day. I know that I was more functional with a nap. Less productive but functional.

I paid the funeral home today. Nearly $7K. And that’s for a cremation. But that’s everything…the church, the cemetary, the obit…everything. But that’s still the largest check I’ve ever written. At least that’s done. Really done. Really, really done. Now all I have to do is go and pick out a stone. They won’t be able to lay it until spring (ask me how I know) so I’m not in a huge hurry. That’s not something I can do with toddlers in tow.

I have this friend who is my token trailer park friend. Although she just moved into a house so I guess technically, she’s not my trailer park friend anymore. Her extended family is very trailer park material. Like textbook, stereotypical material. The kind that ends up on SNL sketches and sitcoms. Her thinking is, “when you know better, you do better”. She had a kid at 16 and now has 2 more little ones and another little one on the way. She also BF, Cosleeps, CD…the whole deal. I really like talking to her and I like that we have quite a bit in common. She doesn’t sew but she appreciates what I have made. Her kids always get homemade gifts from me.

I like her. But she and her dh are mean to each other and fight over the dumbest things. Like who’s going to change a diaper or how much the other spent on gas or groceries. It makes me sad. Stephen and I never talked to each other that way. Not even to other people. We never said anything that would hurt the other person. Ever. If he did, and I dont’ think that he did, I never heard about it.

Why do we, as humans, do that? Does everybody pick on the people that we love? The people that we are closest to? I keep thinking that what if something happened to HER dh. How would she cope with 3 kids and pg with the 4th? Would she be happier if he were always gone? Forever?

I don’t know the point of this. I just see it alot. My sister and BIL are kind of like that too. In fact, almost everyone I know is like that with their spouse. But we never were. I mean, nobody has the perfect marriage. There were many times when I was upset or angry because of labor division around the house or worried about how we were spending our money or when he was late coming home from work and didn’t call. But most of the time that I was upset, I was so because I wanted to be with him and not doing what I was doing. I don’t know. Maybe this is all hindsight because he isn’t here.

My house is finally quiet. It’s as quiet as it’s been in days it seems. I got some flannel PJ pants at Old Navy today and washed them up. They are very soft. I’ve been wearing the same PJ pants for years. And, I’ve lost 30 pounds in the last 6 months so I’ve had to get some new stuff. I like the print and they are comfy but the rise isn’t high enough. I don’t have any hips (never have had any) but I have a baby belly still. I can’t seem to cinch them tight enough to keep them from falling off my body when I walk. Maybe I should have gotten a medium? But who wears a XXL on top and a medium on the bottom? I used to be an apple. Now I’m an ice cream cone.

Mmmm…Ice cream. There’s mint chip in the freezer.


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