God doesn’t do sarcasm.

O.k. After reading what I wrote last night, that’s pretty funny. You cannot make this stuff up. I’m sure that the real letter yet to be drafted won’t be nearly as rude and profane. I shouldn’t be so harsh.

Took the girls to Sunday School today. It’s been a while since I’ve sat through an actual church service. God and I, while on speaking terms, are not necessarily, ummm, how you say, warm? There’s alot of conversations that go like this:

Me: Great. There’s 1/4″ of ice on my windshield. Thanks for that.
God: You’re welcome

Me: It’s 5:30am and my kids are up for the day. Neat.
God: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Me: Do you realize that the only person on earth, other than me, that my youngest will go to has the world’s worst cold?
God: Yes.

Me: I’m tired.
God: I know. Me too.

As it turns out, God doesn’t do sarcasm. Much like preschoolers. Just doesn’t make sense. Anyway, Amelia went home with Robyn after sunday school and Ella and I went to the late service. Ella was suprisingly good. The story/message was about Joseph (Mary’s beau) who was just trying to live a good, honest life. And his fiancee gets knocked up. He wants to flee because a person really gets looked down upon for raising another man’s child. Some things never change, right? Anyway, so God comes to him and says “You stay with her, it’s my kid and I have a plan for all of you.” And Joseph stays. He didn’t know what the plan was but wasn’t sure that he liked it. So the kid is born and the family is chased around by a dictator who wanted to kill him and his little family. But he still protected them. Because that’s what God wanted him to do.

So, this is obviously all hindsight to Joseph. I mean, it’s not like he kept a journal. They were all stories passed down and eventually written out. Of course Joseph didn’t like the plan at the time but there was a plan.

I wasn’t going to go to church today and I know that everyone here has their own spiritual things going on in whatever form that takes. I honestly don’t know what to believe. I don’t know what the plan will be. I do know that if I try to be a good person (and quit with the douchebag name calling) and raise good kids that things *should* turn out right. Right? You’d think so.

I’m basically the same person I was a year ago. I’m older, have more grey hair, widowed, probably with a little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (a little? is that like being a little pregnant?) and minus one gallbladder but I’m basically the same person. I used to worry about everything. Now I have the added bonus of actually having worries come to fruition. If I quit with the worrying, will it just not happen. Are carefree people less likely to have something traumatic happen to them or is it a matter of perception? Again, it’s all rhetorical. I don’t expect an answer (see: above conversation with God).

My prescription for Ambien ran out. I’m on my own. You’d think it wouldn’t be an issue. You’d think that I’d be quick to be rid of the meds for recreational use. It’s not like I have that much to think about. Not like when I first got the rx. But it is nice to just be “out”. So, if I’m on here at 2am, you’ll know I’ll be calling for just one more refill in the morning.

So here’s my note to self for the day: do not online shop after midnight. That is all.

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