The blinking cursor and blank page is haunting me tonight. I have so many things in my head that I can’t sort anything out. My day was so different for me, surreal almost.The girls and I got up and went to church. It was no small task being out of the house at 9am, I’ll have you know. We’re usually still rolling around, watching cartoons and maybe thinking about getting dressed. Imagine the suprise my children felt to see me with a hairdryer and makeup. I can’t tell you the last time that happened. We got to church and Ella decided that, since there was no sunday school, she wanted to go to the nursery and play. Amelia happily toddled off after her and the nursery attendant handed me a pager and off I went to church. This, a small miracle, has never happened. Ella has never, ever voluntarily gone to the nursery and we have never even tried with Amelia. (Notice, I’m still saying “we”. I do it all the time.) I thought that the pager surely must be broken because it still hadn’t gone off by the time the sermon was done. I went through the entire service with my children in the care of another person. Not kidding. Probably won’t happen again. And, Amelia was very sad when I picked her up but the attendant said that she *just* started looking for me. How about that?
Robyn took the girls after their (Amelia’s) nap and kept them for 4 hours. I had every intention of making a few diapers and finishing the cube so that it quits tormenting my soul. But, instead, I went to Target. Alone. Also never happens.
I got my wares home and put them away and decided that it was high time to get something done. Must. Find. Scissors. So, box by box I decide is the best way to go. And what do I find? My husband’s high school things. I didn’t know him in high school so I don’t have any particular memory tied to those things and they will be going back to his father in the spring. Why should I keep them? If the girls want to see it, Bill can show them. Right? I found his senior class memory book. You know, the one that Jostens gives you when you buy a class ring? I was suprised that he actually used it like a journal of his senior year of school including the losing of his virginity. And then I found the prom picture of the girl he wrote about. I wasn’t as weirded out as I thought. But it’s funny what high school kids think is really important. It’s funny about what his thoughts were on where he’d be in 10 years. It’s funny about what he thought is salary should be and who he’d marry and what he’d drive. I don’t mean funny as in LOL, I mean that wistful “yeah, we all thought that” kind of funny. Who didn’t, right? Even if we didn’t know what we wanted to be or who we wanted to be with our thoughts on what the world was or should be are much different than what we experience today or what will come from tomorrow.
Today came and went just like tomorrow will. Just like April 3, 1994 did for him. It’s just a day. For some people it will be the best day of their lives. Babies will be born, people will meet for the first time, virginities lost. For some people it will be the worst. For some people it will be their last. But for the rest of us, it will come and it will go. Rinse and repeat.
So I’m not going to talk about how, for the few hours that I actually had to care for my children, I wasn’t a very good or patient mother. I’m not going to talk about how I have a small, fleeting crush on the leader of the worship band at church who used to be one of my students. I had no idea he could sing. Goes to show how little we really know about most people. And I’m not going to say that I still haven’t finished the stinking cube or done anything else on my action item agenda.
But I am kind of smiling at the thought that my wonderful, sensitive, sexy husband is somewhere, absolutely horrified that I got into his high school sex journal.