Mom uniform.

I expect the CEO of Hanes, inc. to call me in the morning and thank me for increasing his stock value because of my trip to WM tonight. This? Right here? Is why nobody ever takes my kids for a few hours.When one of my children goes off on a playdate (and it’s almost always the big one) I take the other child and do my errands. And, heaven forbid, if they are both somewhere, I do more than errands but that hasn’t happened in a while so I will not speak of it. I had to get some shave gel because, since I’m leaving for Mexas this week, it’s time to shear the sheep…er…shave my legs.

The last time I shaved my legs, I was having surgery. Cause you can’t have hairy legs on the operating table. I’m still horrified that my hoo was hanging out for all to see. And, while my cardio-thorasic surgeon was no Preston Burke, I still had/have the teesiest crush on him because of his easy demeanor and quick wit. He appreciated the same from me.

My surgery was August 8. So there you go. Thus the shearing of the sheep.

Which is totally different from “taming the jungle”. And not necessary at this juncture. Different doctor.

Back to WM. I decided that, since I’ve lost, oh 25 pounds since the beginning of last summer (it used to be 30 for the record…I need to lay off the double stufs and Lucky Charms) I totally deserve new warm weather comfy mom uniform. You know…yoga pants/capris, solid colored shirts (long sleeve or short sleeve depending on the season), french terry zip up jackets. My mom uniform. I’m up, I’m dressed, let’s roll. Stick it up your big fly butt flylady. I can do that.

I’m the proud owner of 2 full “suits”, on in apple green and the other in mandarin orange. I decided that since I am still shaped like both, I should buy both colors. Orange is the new pink after all. And I look fantastic in orange/pink/white combos as well as apple green/navy/white/yellow combos. See? WM had all that stuff in cool, comfy Hanes. And I dropped an unbudgeted bundle on it. Not a ton. We are talking WM and not, like gap or anything but enough that I just might get a phone call from Hanes himself.

And I was just going to pack and make do. Pshaw. No such thing. But it never would have happened if I had to lug 2 children instead of one. One is entertaining. 2 is exercise. It’s worse when I’m alone because then I’m talking to nobody except the child/spouse/friend on the cell phone in my head. And I’m not talking bluetooth. I really do have a continuous internal monologue. That only sometimes comes out externally when I don’t want it to. (See above post re: Boones Farm).

To sum up, the fewer people that are with me at the store, the more money I need to have with me.

I should probably take it all back and make do with what I have. Right? Naaaah. Like I have time for that.

 

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