I don’t know why I leave home.
Because it is the same, only harder, at home than anywhere else. The kids still need watched (only more so because we end up where littles usually aren’t), they need to nap in a weird place, sleep in a weird place, too many doting adults equals prescooler meltdown, on and on and on….
I remind myself that I am keeping a promise. A promise that these girls will know their father’s family. They will know all their grandparents. They will be polite and have good table manners. They will be little as long as possible. But mostly keeping the promise that there can never be too many adults in a child’s life to influence and teach and love.
This? Is not about my comfort. I need to do this. I need for them to have these connections. But if it were up to me, we’d be hermits in our duplex on the hill and let them come to us.
We are moving on tomorrow. We will be going an hour south to visit Stephen’s best friend and his family. We had gotten together lots of times in the past so it isn’t weird at all. They are great and have a wonderful flock of children. These are the trips I like. Herds of kids and my kids pile in the middle and they play all day and pass out when it gets dark. Toys. Childproof home. Kid snacks. Swingset. Bikes.
Stephen was in the TKE fraternity and all these guys from his class are in the area. 6 of them came to his funeral. All dressed alike. They don’t see each other often enough and many of them hadn’t seen him since his first wedding. Know what? Now they all get together on a monthly basis. Some more than that. They seek out and invite in fellow brothers. They are not making the same mistake again. Good for them. Good bunch of guys.
But, once again, a part of his life that was only folklore by the time I met him. We were both many years out of college when we met. I’m lucky to have met some of these guys for the first time, in person, at his funeral. That’s the part I want back. I want more history. More of anything.
I met a Diva today. Sarah (sbradbury) met me at a local outlet mall and I got to meet Noah, the cutest little boy ever. He is so sweet and he and Amelia jabbered at each other in their own language. This is clearly a case of “If somebody hadn’t reached out, I never would have had the guts to”. Sarah made the connection that she lives close to where I was visiting. But I’m really glad that she did. I have to say, that it’s so easy meeting divas. I feel like we have all been old friends and jumping into conversations is easy. We all know all about each other. Maybe it’s just the kick-ass divas that I’ve had the honor of meeting.
I’m up too late again. I have this problem of staying up too late just because it’s quiet. I don’t want to break the spell…ripple the pond…get anyone’s panties in a wad. I just want to sit and be still. And have everything around me still. But I’m up too late again. I’m not sure how to break the cycle. I’m not sure I want to.