I invited one of my former students to supper tonight. He is moving out of state in the next few weeks. I didn’t even know he was still in town until my recent love affair with Facebook. He was one of my first students hired when I started working there. He visited me in the hospital after Ella was born. He came back from summer stock (where I had gone my first year working in college) and said he was gay and I said “I know.” Everyone who works in education has this kind of kid from time to time.
So he’s sitting at my dinner table and Ella announces to nobody in particular, “Mommy’s husband is Stephen but I call him Daddy.”
Matty says, “I knew your daddy.”
Ella says, “Do you have a husband?”
I choked on my chicken. Literally. Because it was all I could do not to say, “You’re so gay, my three year old can recognize it!”
I will say that one of the things I miss most about not being in theatre is the lack of gay men in my life. You don’t get the snark, the fashion sense, the cologne, the celebrity gossip and the hair products in the playgroups. And I miss it. I keep thinking that maybe I should go back to work. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a full time mom. Truth be told, I feel like a part time mom even though I am at home. I feel like I spend a good portion of the day telling my kids to please quit hanging on me and find something to do. I feel like I’m feeding, wiping and cleaning but not doing all the good stuff that moms at home are supposed to do.
So maybe I should find a job. Maybe what I need is some physical labor to appreciate how easy I really do have it around here. I really kind of enjoy sweating when it has a purpose. I liked working for UPS.
List of jobs that I consider “hateful”:
- Retail. Of any kind. I would consider a bookstore but only one that had the coffee smell.
- Field work. Corn cuts in my crevices are not fun for anyone.
- Anything requiring pantyhose. Nothing snaps you back to the reality of how fat you really are like pantyhose.
- Any job where a 17 year old has the potential to be my supervisor. Ageist? Yes, I am.
- I don’t do critters. That includes bugs, rodents, anything found in a yard or a cage.
- Medical. Self explanatory.
- Any job where my FICO score would be an issue. Sad, but true.
So, what does that leave me with? Not much. Somebody needs to call Mike Rowe for me and see if he can round something up. And yes, he’s on my list along with Joe from Blue’s Clues and Jim from The Office. I think it’s the hair.