Willpower.

Dr. Phil once said that dieting wasn’t about willpower.  I don’t remember what he said it was about, exactly.  Not that it matters since Dr. Phil completely lost my respect when he got into Jerry Springer’s arena of paternity testing.  (I know, like the opinion of a bored, stay at home mom matters to Phil.)  But I think Dr. Phil is wrong.

Because when stepMIL leaves town (and thank the good Lord for that) and leaves a whole pound of licorice on my counter (at 3 points per serving), that’s willpower.  When my good friend and WW buddy calls me up and tells me in a sad, sad voice that she has to go weigh in but there is a bag of candy corn staring at her, that’s willpower.  When the same friend get a stress fracture in her foot from too steep of an incline on her treadmill (working off said candy corn), that’s a sign to get back on the couch.  So it takes willpower to keep moving.

It took a fair bit of willpower to not smack FIL in the chops for complaining that stepMIL isn’t tending to his needs…that everything comes before him.  Hi, I’m the choir you’re preachin’ to.  And thanks for being a whiney baby about it.  To me. 

It’s taking a considerable bit of willpower to not extract the ingrown hair from my girly bits (not that you wanted to know).  It itches like crazy and is making me nuts.  But I have to go back to my well found belief that if I can’t see it, I’m not doing anything about it.  And that includes my girly bits. 

Willpower is when the shopping cart zooms past the Pepperidge Farm mint milanos and mini-chessmen.  Willpower is the gallon of chocolate milk that is only consumed by my children (and, thusly, my living room carpet) and not by me and certainly not with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a side of Doritos.  Willpower is sticking to the daily points and not going over because of my food debauchery of last weekend. 

Willpower is what keeps me from saying hurtful things even when I’ve been hurt.  Willpower makes me keep the girls’ doctor appointments even though it takes a xanax just to get in the door.  Willpower keeps me from crying at Ella’s preschool class list.  She is the only kid without a daddy and I am the only single parent.  In the whole freaking school. 

I used willpower to get out of bed, open the blinds and begin another day even when I wanted to hide in the dark. 

So, yes, Dr. Phil, it is in fact about willpower.  The will of one woman, this woman, to do what is healthy and sane and good for me and good for my kids.  And some days that’s all it is.  It’s all I have left.

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One thought on “Willpower.

  1. Pingback: I thought I couldn’t do it. « Notes to self.

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