Smile and nod.

With an uncharacteristic (and ungainly…unsightly…) burst of energy, I got this house whipped into shape.  I had made up my mind last night that I was going to get up, not shower and get some stuff done around here.  No napping.  No assprint in lazyboy.  No snacking, cocktails or trips to Target.  For the littles, it meant no Noggin, online games, DisneyDVD or time outside.  (Sidenote: I kind of regret not having much outside time today…the are both not sleeping well and I think it’s lack of general dirtiness and fresh air.)  I also made a vow, that I actually kept, that I was not going to yell or make anyone cry.  Sad, isn’t it?  I have to make myself not lose my mind trying to get them to help.

I feel much better about things in general.  A tidy house (notice I didn’t say “clean”) does that for me.  Things are generally in their proper places.  Except the girls’ room.  I really need them gone to do it justice.  I won’t kill myself on anything if I have to walk in there in the dark but in the light of day it looks terrible.  But the toy room and the living room are in really good shape.  Generally.  I am in really good shape. 

See…it’s the cycle of things.  A whole week full of yuck and then, now, I’m okay.  Better than I was.  I’m still trying to figure out how to make the lows not so low. 

As someone told me this week “It’s different for you because there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.”

I never thought if it that way.  But it’s true.  I think that is the crux of my problem.  Or one of them.  I just get to the end of the day or week or whatever and say to myself: Is this really it?  Is this life?  Is this what I get?  And then I feel guilty.  I know that I do have my blessings.  My better than average health.  The littles.  Family.  Friends.  Roof over my head and food on the table.  We travel.  We visit.  We have a toy room to clean and hobbies to organize. 

On a different and equally pessimistic note, FIL and stepMIL are coming to visit this weekend.  We haven’t seen them since October since they winter in Texas and we didn’t get to go and visit this winter due to crappy economic conditions.  Meaning, FIL didn’t want to splurge to see his grandbabies.  But whatever.  I talked to them tonight and we made plans for them to bring the camper to my house on Saturday and stay long enough that I can have a girls only (adult girls only) trip to MSP to see Jen Lancaster on her book tour. 

And also, I get to sleep in a bed that someone else made, eat a few meals that someone else prepared and maybe see a fellow blogger or two.  How’s that for small world?  I’ll take my book to get it signed even though it’s my least favorite of all her books so far.  Should I tell her or just smile and nod?  Yeah…smile and nod.  Won’t do me any good to critique her in front of a couple hundred gals who are her virtual BFFs. 

My inner cynic says that something will happen, somebody will die or get the swine flu or a flesh eating parasite and I won’t get to go.  You know, because it’s all about me.  Or, rather, it’s all about them…the ILs (who, I may remind you are not really my ILs anymore, legally).  Even tonight when I was talking to them it was all “We are so tired.  There is so much to do around here.”  Seriously?  Mmm, hmm. 

Smile and nod.


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