Instant gratification girl.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Pandora?  Because I do.  I get in these moods, see, and Pandora knows just what I want to listen to.  Tonight, it’s Allison Krauss.  Mmmm….liquid soft voice, acoustic guitar…if she came with a penis, she’d totally be my new boyfriend.  Kidding.  Kind of.

And then I think that she’s singing about me: 

She tried to drink the pain away a little at a time/but she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.

She’s right…steps forward have been tiny.  The drinking probably doesn’t help.  Not that the vanilla vodka/Dr. Pepper cocktail cooling next to me will be anywhere but my bloodstream in the next 15 minutes.  Maybe I would be further without all the beers or cocktails or whatever.  We’re not talking problem drinking here…we’re talking littles in bed, blogging, Pandora/Facebook/Twitter.  We’re talking Discovery Health and local news.  The drinks might not help the long run but, since I am Instant Gratification Girl, they help for tonight.

Wanting what I want, when I want it, might actually be my fatal flaw.  (It might be the fatal flaw of the human population but that’s pretty deep.)  It is the reason that Will was born only four months after the wedding.  It is the reason why I have never learned to properly balance a checkbook.  It is the reason why, when I get something in my head, it is only a matter of time before it is in my hot little hands. 

Things I have recently gotten into my head and, thusly, into my hands:

cupcakes, mini corn dogs (thank you Schwan’s man), a microzester thing, “The Book of Joe” by Jonathan Tropper, a brand new four bedroom house in the country.

I’m still waiting on the last piece of paperwork for the house but it will soon be mine, I can feel it.

No really, I can.  I’ve been obsessed about moving home since I came back from my Opera gig in April.  I found a way to do it (or, I jumped on a opportunity to make it possible) and it is almost done.  You know, other than the packing and the actual moving of children and possessions.

I can’t stop thinking about what more living space will feel like.  What a real yard and a finished basement are like.  I will have one room dedicated to my sewing and crafting or whatever.  I can put in a swingset and a clothesline.  I can have a garden and a compost bin.  In my new town, they weigh what you recycle and take actual dollars off  your garbage bill.  How cool is that?  I wonder if my life will change.  The underlying issues are still there for sure but I have an aunt and a cousin in the very same town.  My sister and her family will be 10 short minutes away.  My parents, a mere 35. 

It (kind of) makes me want the summer to fly by.  The first hot and humid days have hit this week and I find myself dreaming of fall and all that comes with it.  But then, the girls will have had their birthdays and camping season will be over and the cold air will force us inside.


One thought on “Instant gratification girl.

  1. Jenn- I am proud of you for making such a brave step in your life. Please don’t forget us when you leave…because I truly do love you and appreciate you. 🙂

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