Note to self: eat before class.
I was 20 minutes into the Thursday, all treadmill/kill me now/religious experience, workout. My heartrate was in the upper 160’s. Early. We were at a 13 incline, walking (2.8) with weights. I was sweating like…well, a lot. I took a swig of water and felt it hit the bottom of my stomach and slosh around as I walked.
I almost threw up.
Sidenote: my gym has the best water. It tastes like Dasani. And it’s always super cold. I think they must filter it or something because it does not taste like the water in the rest of the city. Yet another reason why I *heart* my gym.
Torture device du jour: my left foot. Specifically my toes.
I have this problem. And I’ve had it ever since I first set foot on a treadmill (at 15 maybe? 14?) . When I run my toes fall asleep. Not when I walk. Not when I walk on an incline. Sometimes it is both feet. It is usually just my left foot, as it was tonight. Add it to my list of why I hate running.
When I was in 8th grade, I got a raging case of plantar warts. All on the ball of my foot. Probably 20 on one foot and 30 on the other. I remember my mom taking me to a podiatrist for probably 6 months so I could be tortured with his acids and scraping and soaking. Is it any wonder that I hate feet now? And I hate having my feet touched?
I don’t even like your feet. Except baby feet. I love baby feet. Baby toes are yummy.
I don’t wonder if maybe there was some nerve damage? Because the ball of my foot is sensitive to pressure. Like when I try to wear heels. Which is quite comical. And painful. And not pretty at all.
I have high arches. And a wide instep and my toes are not squished at all thanks to years and years of Birkenstock wearing. Followed by Doc Martens. Followed by Crocs. Currently in Keen.
Enough about feet. Seriously.
The new question, since week 6 (out of 10) is complete, is this: do I register for another session? To the tune of another fistful of Benjamins? Or can I be trusted to do this on my own?
I’m torn. Because I can certainly use the money elsewhere. The gym membership is spendy enough. And, I’m still doing personal training with Molly about every 10 days or so. And she’s expensive. Worth every penny, but still expensive.
But then again, I don’t know that I *can* be trusted. The weather is getting warmer. The days are longer. The kids want to play outside. I’d like to have a real supper on the weeknight.
The real issue is that I’m starting to feel selfish again and not in a good way. I know that this is good for me. I know that I need this. But the girls are out of sorts on gym nights. They are rushed through supper. They are hustled to the gym. I know they like playing but they are wrecked when we leave. There is precious little time for things like baths and reading and snacks. And forget about homework or class projects. (Homework in kindergarten? You bet.) There are just not enough hours.
I feel like I am putting my need before my kids. Who have not seen me all day. And who spend only about an hour at home before leaving again.
Maybe this is all just an excuse. Because I feel like if I didn’t have the class, I would chicken out. And choose not to go. Find something else to do. Sort socks. Clip nails. Get sucked into Facebook vortex. Anything but pack everyone up and go to the gym.
And just maybe, knowing all of this about myself and my distinct lack of personal accountability in regards to forcing myself to sweat and swear and ache just a little…well maybe I need to throw some cash at it.
I just don’t think I’m ready to go at this alone.