Did I fail? Or just graduate?

So, yesterday I had some PT with Molly.  After my third set of an all upper body extravaganza (pushups, medicine ball tossing and incline bench press) I mentioned that I hoped that I didn’t have to rescue my children from a burning building.  Because there’s no way in a thousand years that I could pick up more than a hairbrush.  She said that I would be able to if I had to.  I’m not so sure.

I really do enjoy PT.  I get to be mouthy and Molly doesn’t take it personally.  I get to work hard even if I don’t look good doing it.  And I get to be just a little bit catty.  It’s really the best of all worlds.

I have to say that Fat Camp isn’t doing it for me with this new schedule.  Mentally, it’s difficult to work a 9+ hour day, go home and sit on my ass for two hours and then pile everyone in the van only to get home too late to get the littles to a proper bedtime.  Also, at 17 weeks into the program, I feel like I have a good handle on how to push myself and how to get the cardio done.

I am dropping out of Fat Camp.  With 5 weeks to go (I will go this week to finish the month), I am going to try doing June on my own.  The plan is to go at least 3 afternoons a week, directly after work.  Part of the issue is the “sitting on my ass” part.  Nobody wants to move again after that, least of all me.  And my attitude in class is insufferable because of it. 

Does this make me a Fat Camp: Fail?  Or…does this make me a graduate?

I honestly think, at least as far as the exercise is concerned, that I have a handle on things.  I have the tools. 

It’s not keeping me out of the oreos when presented with a sleeve.  And, I lack enough protein on any given day.  But some changes are permanent.  The HFCS is one.  Knowing which produce should be organic is another.  My new favorite snack is a brown rice cake with natural peanut butter. 

The most important thing, despite what the scale may or may not say at the moment, is that I feel good.  And I want to keep feeling good.  And that means sprinting.  And brown rice.  And lots of eggs.  Many hours with the “workout” playlist on my ipod.  And some 5k training.  Okay, lots of 5k training. 

As for the job, it’s quite possibly a keeper.  At least as long as Amelia is not in kindergarten since the ONLY benefit is cheap daycare.  My mom had a point in that I could be working a job with a higher wage but then I’d have to pay full price for daycare.  So, there’s that.  And…Mimi is so very pleased that I am in the building.  Even Ella is good with the early mornings.

Funny how a week can change things.

I know this sounds hokey but sometimes, when I’m trying to figure out portions or timing or something (making food for 80 kiddos at once is remarkably complicated), I feel like Stephen is over my shoulder.  Pointing out something that I missed or telling me to add another few pounds of this or that. 

Sounds weird.  I don’t normally feel a “presence”.  Haven’t felt him much and have only felt what I thought was Will once.  But since I’ve started this job, it’s like he’s around all the time.

Hard to describe.  And maybe it’s just me.  Wishing that I could pick his caterer brain.  Or share some of my challenges and triumphs.

Like I said, a week made all the difference.

I’m not done with the Fat Camp writings.  I need a new name for it though.  I might end up back in class in July if June doesn’t go well but I am hoping not.  I’d like to spend that money on more PT since that is far more motivating at the moment. 

Remind me of this.  When I am lamenting feeling like crap.  Ask me what I’ve been eating and if I’ve been to the gym.  Because, if I am not feeling well, I can guarantee that I have not been practicing what I have learned.

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4 thoughts on “Did I fail? Or just graduate?

  1. I am experiencing some childcare dilemmas right now, so if you’re finding the job sufficiently rewarding and your girls are happy STAY PUT!!

    It’s a nightmare searching for affordable, yet nurturing childcare.

    On the days you feel like you just can’t make it to the gym and there are a million reasons in your head not to go…GO. I swear to you the hardest part is just making yourself get there. Once inside you’ll have the most rewarding workout ever. You’ll be happy you went.

  2. I think the whole point of FCamp is to get you on your own prescribed path to fitness—and you have a plan so there ya go! Have a great week Jenn!

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