I don’t believe in ghosts.
Just so you know. Because what I am going to say next, I can’t even believe.
If you are a parent to a kid or a fur-baby then you know the feeling, when you are sleeping, that somebody is watching you sleep. It happens to me all the time and I wake up with glowing yellow eyes in my face. Or a sleepy little girl who needs a drink and a cuddle. You don’t hear them but something in your subconscious knows that you are being watched. That somebody needs your attention.
I’ve had that feeling for quite a while. Months, really. I think it started in July. Or maybe it was June. I don’t really remember because it’s all hindsight at this point. Most recently, I keep thinking it’s the cat. (Kitty and I share a room and she is an early riser, demanding breakfast sometime between 4am and 5am. She never says anything, just nudges me awake. I am rude and toss her out of my room and close the door. This is a daily ritual. One of us should know better by now but I don’t exactly know who.) It is almost never the cat and there hasn’t been a child in my room since August.
Imagine that you are nearly asleep. Your mind isn’t completely shut off yet but your body cannot move anymore. Now imagine that you feel someone sit on the bed next to you. And you feel a calm that you haven’t felt all day. But you don’t know why and you are too close to sleep to turn and see what is really happening.
Now, replace “you” with “I”. Because that’s what’s been happening with greater frequency.
Is this my imagination? Stress? Lack of exercise? Too much coffee? Too many naps? Do I need to quit with the late night reading of the Young Adult/Supernatural/Urban Fantasy genre?
Or, do I have a ghost? Or, am I looking for some kind of contact or validation or anything at all to tell me that everything is going to be okay?
The most likely scenario is that I have finally gone off the deep end. Because I don’t believe in ghosts. But I do believe that someone else has been perching on my bed like they want to have a conversation. Kind of like my mom did when I was home from college on break.
But I don’t believe in ghosts. I can’t.
What if I don’t know what to believe anymore?