And, here we are already at week 5.
The new campers have settled in. Everyone has their favorites by now: favorite exercise, favorite machine, favorite friend, favorite day. They also are keenly aware of their weaknesses. I know I am and I’m a year into this. You can always hold that plank longer, squat deeper, run faster. And by “you”, I mean “me”.
Unless this was your first day, like it was for Mary. I don’t know Mary. She looks nice enough. Scared out her freaking mind but, if you remember, I was too. We are, after all, five weeks into this. Mary had the unfortunate luck of choosing a treadmill in between the punks. The punks that will not shut the fuck up. Just. Quit. Talking. They were talking around poor Mary tonight and she was looking stabby about 5 minutes into it. We tried to get her to defect to our side but I don’t think she really knew what she was in for. The good thing about all this is that the punks got some extra and much-needed attention from Molly because Molly was walking her through the ropes tonight.
Also, I found out that they are not 20ish. They are in high school. Juniors. And “training” for the softball team, it would appear from the endless string of softball t-shirts. Knowing that they are in high school makes me not want to say anything to them even though I desperately want to and not because I’m all soft on high school kids or nostalgic or whatever. No, it would be because anything I said to them would fall on deaf ears. There’s something in there about leading a horse to water… It’s totally not worth my breath.
Oh but wait…there was this. And I couldn’t help myself.
So we’re at nutrition, talking about fats and oils. The brand, spanking new nutritionist was talking about the types of oils we should be using in cooking. There was a relatively long list, none of which were processed or engineered. One of the oils on the list was hemp oil.
Punk #1 says (and she is directly in front of me so I can’t see her face) “What is hemp oil?”
No less than half a dozen of us snorted and made quiet cracks to ourselves. I couldn’t help myself.
Oh honey, if you don’t know by now you ain’t ever gonna know.
And then I learned that she was all of 17. Granted, I knew what hemp was in a roundabout kind of way when I was 17 and not in a nutrition kind of way. Also, not in a personal experience way so don’t get all judgey. (Remember: when I break the law, I will ALWAYS get caught. That’s been a life long truth.) But who makes fun of a 17-year-old for not knowing about all the other uses for MJ? That would be me. I’m the asshole.
I did learn two bits of something interesting tonight. Once all the weed jokes ended of course. One is that if you heat an unsaturated fat too high (canola oil, for one), it changes into a trans fat! I…didn’t know that. Now I have to go and find what that temperature point is but the one thing that everybody agrees on (and this might be the ONLY point) is that trans fats are out to kill us. That is a fact.
Because I seem to have some time on my hands, I find myself reading all the random health topics that come my way and the only thing I have really learned (other than that if you want good abs, you should do planks and only planks and that crunches suck) is that we, the American public, are told counteracting anecdotes disguised as “research” and “news” and “science” every single day.
In the last week, I have read about no carbs, low-fat, low protein, no dairy, more dairy, high protein, raw foods, how organic doesn’t mean anything but here’s a list of foods that you should only eat organic, corn-fed, grass-fed, free-range and cage-free. And that’s just one week.
Here’s a thought: eat simple. The end.
We were also ordered to “rotate our nuts” which caused much braying and snorting by the peanut gallery. She corrected herself and instructed us to shoot for a “variety of nuts” to which I replied I’m pretty sure I tried that in college. Molly had to leave the room.
Best. Class. Ever.
I, for one, will be cutting out soy. I suspect this will be difficult but the other thing I learned tonight was that if you have a suspected thyroid problem (my TSH has been creeping up over the last 2 years but still sub-clinical), soy will make it worse. Soy (or a component of it) actually works against your thyroid.
Here we go, week 5. I’m feeling pretty good and well recovered from my lung dysfunction. Physically, I feel like I’m in a pretty good place. I didn’t lose much strength. And, I got to tell Molly to fuck off when she put her foot on my back when I was trying to do a proper push up. All in all, a pretty successful night, I’d say.
I have two days of fat camp this week and PT on Friday. My plan is to try doing another treadmill 5k on Saturday or Sunday to prepare for week 6 and the 30 minute run. Also, I believe that I can beat 50 minutes. I’m trying not to think about what happens if I don’t.